So, It's Been A While...

Yeah, it's been a long time since I've bothered to post. That is mostly because any time I have thought of something worth writing about, I have not been near the computer, so I don't bother, and forget. It also has a lot to do with the fact that I haven't had a lot of terrible days lately, so I haven't felt the urge to bitch nad whine like I usually do.

Today, on the other hand...

Would you like to hear about it? Of course you would.

I actually had a lovely day. I managed to crawl out of bed about 20 minutes later than was wise, pulled some clothes on, and went to work. I spent the better part of my day learning how to make sandwiches, and that was okay too. My entire day was just ruined at 14:45.

Some lady came in, and asked me if we would be able to call a cab for her. Me being new there, I didn't know if we could do that, so I went to ask someone about it. I couldn't find her, so I took a couple of minutes. I then came back to ask the woman what the number of a cab place was, and she told me. So I went back and clarified with the manager that I should call, and then went back out to ask the lady where she needed to go to, because apparently we needed to know that. She told me where she was going, and asked if it would take much longer, because she'd been there for like half an hour, and she could have walked there by now. (Needless to say, she had been there less than ten minutes.) So, I finally went back, and discussed the call with the manager for ten seconds or so, and then tried to call, only to hear "Your call could not be completed as dialed. Please check the number, and try your call again." So, I went out to speak to the woman about it, and said that the number didn't work, to which she replied, "Well, that is the number I call every day." And I said that it didn't work, and apologized, at which point she stormed out of the store, with a "Thanks for nothing." Directed at me.

Well, I'm sorry, I will never go out of my way to help someone ever again, for fear of the fact that something totally beyond my control would prohibit me from doing it satisfactorily. I just can't believe that she had the nerve to get angry with me, for not being able to do something for her that I clearly was under no obligation to do, or to even consider doing.

...People like her just shatter my general faith in humanity.

And that was my day.



It occured to me today that my cat is the greatest source of comfort in my life. Honestly! I have never had a person in whom to confide, or to just be close and snuggly when feeling miserable. My cat is that one. I don't confide in my cat or anything, but it makes me slightly happier to have my cat laying across my chest and purring just because I have my hand resting on his back. He does that, too. For hours on end, he will lay on my chest, or in my lap, and be content just to be there, and comfortable. It's nice to be loved, I suppose. But, it's a very fickle kind of love... he acts the same way to anyone who pays him any attention. So, it loses some of it's meaning there... him being a cat, and all.

You know, I kind of wish I could be the cat sometimes.


I Think I Think Too Much

So, just today, or yesterday, or something like that, (I have little sense of time) I was driving to work, and I started thinking about who I am. In the end I came to a conclusion something akin to "I am just a compilation of other people's qualities." I could come up with nothing, and I mean nothing of myself that wasn't something that I picked up from someone else throughout my life. My general nature can mostly be credited to my parents, in some form or another, combined with the people I knew when I was quite young. I have nothing that I define as myself, only things that are seen in others and mimicked or deliberately avoided. I challenge you to name one quality that is, essentially me, and nothing else. It also occured to me that everyone is the same way... just a collection of memories, experiences, people, and reactions to those things, that makes up who a person is. What creates an initial personality in a person, though? When you are born, do you have a personality? I could suppose that when a child is born, or even developes any form of consciousness, they begin to shape their personality then, based on the events, people and reactions they encounter after that. ...I'm rambling, and making little sense. Time to stop thinking.


Not Only That...

So, upon reading that last one that I posted, I realized that when I try to voice what I'm actually thinking, it comes out as incomprehensible, vague gibberish. I think I'll likely stop trying. (We'll see. :P)

I Don't Like Being Angsty...

As a matter of fact, I HATE being angsty. One of my biggest pet peeves are those people that think that because they don't have a significant other, because they go through one every five days, it is the end of the bloody world. Right now I'm really angry with myself for being full of stupid teenage stereotypes. I hate it. :P

I am slowly changing my opinions of teenage stereotypes. I suppose there is some merit behind feeling like the world is ending because of some silly thing... even though you're totally aware that it's not. Thinking back on earlier in high-school, I realize that I was one of the angstiest, stereotypical people I know. Seriously, I was miserable, for no reason at all. I see that as really immature and stupid now... but now I also realize that a lot of the things that I feel are somewhat immature, and I should be able to move on. But of course, as emotions are wont to do, they persist, and make me feel like shit, even though I know them to be unjustified.

...This sounds like I'm dividing my mind into seperate people... one for my emotional mind and one for my rational mind. I feel one thing, emotionally, and know, rationally, that it is false, or unjustified, but it persists all the same.

Bah. I am being really vague. I realize this is because I am not comfortable voicing my thoughts. I am afraid of how people will react... even though I am fairly sure that no one reads this, or even knows where it is.

I don't get it. :P I'm confusing myself.


New Discoveries

Okay, so I figured something out today. I have no friends. :P Actually, I won't go that far. I have A friend. One. In this case, however, that does not help. :P When you have a ticket to a comedy thing, which is almost definitely going to be incredibly funny, and totally enjoyable, and all of the people that you offer a free ticket to, that would normally cost $20, and NO ONE will come with, you know you have no friends. (The only friend I was referring to is already going. She doesn't count.) This makes me very depressed. :P

Blah blah blah. I think I'm going to stop posting in this blog... becase it just makes me feel like a shallow idiot with no capacity for thought. :P I say such mindless things here... it's ridiculous, because it's actually what I think about, a lot of the time. That bothers me. I kind of thought that I wasn't an idiot... apparently I'm wrong. See, there is the potential for some serious expansion on the subject, but I'm not going into it, because it's too advanced for my tiny, tiny brain.

Well, what can you do? Now I am talking like an angsty teenager... which is one of my biggest pet peeves. I am NOT an angsty teenager, damnit.



Okay, so I had a really wierd dream last night. You know, the kind that bothers you a lot the next day, and you think about it in excess? It was really wierd... and kind of disturbing. So, apparently me and a bunch of other people were involves in some kind of conspiracy, and we were in a garage of some kind, doing something involved with the conspiracy, though it looked like we were all just sitting around. :P (I should mention that for some reason I was a guy in this dream.)

At that point, some people came near the building, and were about to walk in the door, so me and a couple others thought we should try and get under cover, so we ran behind a couch. (There were a couple of couches.) The other people, (leaders of some kind,) didn't move, so we trusted their judgment, and stood up and waited. When they didn't do anything, we bolted for the back door. (Which wouldn't have helped, because it led inside the main building.) But despite the running, somehow at least some of us were caught.

I don't remember what happened between there and the next part, if there was anything, but me and some girl that was apparently someone I cared about, were in a room, secured to devices of a nature unknown to me. There was a woman there, and she was intent on killing us both in totally ridiculous manners, for whatever reason. She hit some button, and the girl was slowly cut in half. (I don't know.) There was a lot of screaming from her, and crying from me, and I assume she died. Then the crazy woman put something in my hand and told me to keep my thumb on a specific point, so I did. (I wanted to die at this point, because person had died, etc.) She said something about sending an electric current through my spine, affecting my brain somehow or another. (I'm pretty sure what she said wouldn't have worked in reality.) She turned the electric current on, and I sat there, not being in any pain, (it's almost impossible to feel pain in a dream.) but not dying either. She turned it off, and it had apparently done something to my brain, because I had either totally lost my mind, or had become an idiot. I spent the entire rest of the dream trying to make the machine work, so that I could die, only I had the vocabulary and mental capacity of a two year old. The woman spoke to me the whole time as if I were a small child, and kept preventing me from making the thing work.

Do you see how that would be unsettling? I don't think I've ever had a dream that totally focused on me wanting to die... Actually I have. But it was not as wierd.

So that's my random thing of the day... it was crazy, and I didn't get it. It's a wierd thing to put in a blog, but it's what I've been thinking about all day, so :P!


So This is What Having a Life is Like...

So, I've been working full time for two whole days now... and I have to say, I actually kind of like it. I work at Tim's now, and it's a lot less gross and smelly than McDonald's... I don't know what to call myself now. I lack an identity. At least at McDonald's, you can be a McBitch.

Well, that's the exciting news of the week so far. I lead a boring life.

On a side note, I like ice cream.

And read the PTT comics! ...I will link to them someday, if the website ever goes up.


The First

Okay, so this is my first blog post. I can't say that this is the first one ever, because I have started quite a few before, and just decided that it was a bad idea. But, this time it should remain in use, if I remember. So, I guess I could talk about something here...

Oh, I saw the Phantom of the Opera movie recently, and I loved it. I am a big fan of the music, and the story, and I honestly thought that it would be ruined in the movie, but it was amazing. There were moments of sheer brilliance. I have heard a lot of bad things about it, but I was absolutely stunned. If you are thinking about seeing it, then definitely go for it. It's worth it.

On a totally different note, I am officially done high school now. No more going back. Of course, that is my chance to move on, but I am very sad to leave it all behind. Not just the friends, or the place or the teachers or the classes, but the opportunity to not care about important things. I suppose this is my big step into being "mature." For most it comes at graduation, but that didn't phase me at all. Despite me getting depressed over leaving a piece of me behind, I know it's only another step. There will be more after this one, no doubt. A new stage every day, and all that. It's still hard to believe that high school is over for me. I have to start working now. Paying bills. I know I'm not ready for this yet. I am still very immature, if not in thought, then in action. But, we'll let things unfold as the do, and see what happens. Everything will always work out in the end, for better or for worse.