It occured to me today that my cat is the greatest source of comfort in my life. Honestly! I have never had a person in whom to confide, or to just be close and snuggly when feeling miserable. My cat is that one. I don't confide in my cat or anything, but it makes me slightly happier to have my cat laying across my chest and purring just because I have my hand resting on his back. He does that, too. For hours on end, he will lay on my chest, or in my lap, and be content just to be there, and comfortable. It's nice to be loved, I suppose. But, it's a very fickle kind of love... he acts the same way to anyone who pays him any attention. So, it loses some of it's meaning there... him being a cat, and all.

You know, I kind of wish I could be the cat sometimes.


I Think I Think Too Much

So, just today, or yesterday, or something like that, (I have little sense of time) I was driving to work, and I started thinking about who I am. In the end I came to a conclusion something akin to "I am just a compilation of other people's qualities." I could come up with nothing, and I mean nothing of myself that wasn't something that I picked up from someone else throughout my life. My general nature can mostly be credited to my parents, in some form or another, combined with the people I knew when I was quite young. I have nothing that I define as myself, only things that are seen in others and mimicked or deliberately avoided. I challenge you to name one quality that is, essentially me, and nothing else. It also occured to me that everyone is the same way... just a collection of memories, experiences, people, and reactions to those things, that makes up who a person is. What creates an initial personality in a person, though? When you are born, do you have a personality? I could suppose that when a child is born, or even developes any form of consciousness, they begin to shape their personality then, based on the events, people and reactions they encounter after that. ...I'm rambling, and making little sense. Time to stop thinking.


Not Only That...

So, upon reading that last one that I posted, I realized that when I try to voice what I'm actually thinking, it comes out as incomprehensible, vague gibberish. I think I'll likely stop trying. (We'll see. :P)

I Don't Like Being Angsty...

As a matter of fact, I HATE being angsty. One of my biggest pet peeves are those people that think that because they don't have a significant other, because they go through one every five days, it is the end of the bloody world. Right now I'm really angry with myself for being full of stupid teenage stereotypes. I hate it. :P

I am slowly changing my opinions of teenage stereotypes. I suppose there is some merit behind feeling like the world is ending because of some silly thing... even though you're totally aware that it's not. Thinking back on earlier in high-school, I realize that I was one of the angstiest, stereotypical people I know. Seriously, I was miserable, for no reason at all. I see that as really immature and stupid now... but now I also realize that a lot of the things that I feel are somewhat immature, and I should be able to move on. But of course, as emotions are wont to do, they persist, and make me feel like shit, even though I know them to be unjustified.

...This sounds like I'm dividing my mind into seperate people... one for my emotional mind and one for my rational mind. I feel one thing, emotionally, and know, rationally, that it is false, or unjustified, but it persists all the same.

Bah. I am being really vague. I realize this is because I am not comfortable voicing my thoughts. I am afraid of how people will react... even though I am fairly sure that no one reads this, or even knows where it is.

I don't get it. :P I'm confusing myself.