21.10.06

I Can't Seem to Find the Quiet Inside My Mind

(Quiet, John Mayer)

It's so quiet here. Everyone is gone. I am all by myself. I would give anything to have some company. Some REAL company. Not quasi-strangers, being politely friendly. I would give anything to have Marcel here, or my parents. Anyone. I can't sit here, by myself and stay sane.

I have been watching movies, so far. That has been keeping me entertained, though only marginally. At least I am getting some knitting done. What Dreams May Come may be my all time favorite movie. It's too bad that no one else likes it. It is the only movie that has made me cry every single time I have watched it. Admittedly, I have been in an unhappy situation every time I have watched it. I just wish that there was someone here. Someone that I can talk to, and not just make polite conversation with. I can't even call Marcello... He is away. I have spent the afternoon on the phone with my mom and my brother.

I don't understand why I can't just read a book or something, and be content by myself. People are out, being crazy and drunk and having fun... I don't want to go with them. I want to be with the people I love... I miss them. I need them.

I just wish I could pull myself out of this... But I don't know if anyone else can either.
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