10.10.06

Death Wish?

I am drinking a cup of mango tea. I must say, it is quite good. Let's see what comes of it. I don't even really care, at this point. I may regret it later... but what is that to me now? Aside from that, it is too late to think better of it, so why bother regretting it?

I wish I could approach everything like that. I wish I could do things, accept that they are done, and not regret it.

I made someone cry, yesterday. More than once. I regret it more than you would believe. I can't be content to just live with things the way that they are... I always fill my head full of "what if's" and it ruins everything. What if Marcel and I randomly start hating each other, and then this whole problem never comes up? Then I will have stirred up all this garbage for no reason. I made him feel so bad... That wasn't what I meant to do at all. I didn't want him upset... I don't ever want him to be that upset.

What can I do to fix this?
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