...Sont Les Mots Qui Vont Très Bien Ensemble...

(Michelle, the Beatles)

Man am I ever tired of doing french homework. Like... Holy shit boredom. They tell me it's good for me. I guess they're right... If I ever work out this bilingualism thing, I'll be in good shape. I don't see that happening in the near future, though. We'll see.

Anyway! On with life!

I had a good solid three hours of sitting and chatting with a friend that I don't talk to a lot last night. We sat in the Timmy's that I used to work at and just talked and drank coffee (or hot chocolate) until 2 AM. We've decided that we are going to do an open mic night at Wilf's in September. It will be lots of fun. I will need to actually learn some songs, then. I'm actually pretty excited about it. I never get to perform anymore, so it will be good. Or maybe it will serve to remind me why I don't perform anymore. :P

I have recently had it brought to my attention that I am not very smart. I used to sort of think I was bright. I guess I'm just average, at best. Maybe even kind of slow. I think this might be a rant for a day when I don't have a french assignment to finish in a few hours. I will hopefully remember to touch on this later, because I've started it now. Later, though.

A la prochaine.

It's Great To Be A Nerd

(It's Great To Be A Nerd, The Arrogant Worms)

I have been greviously neglecting this blog lately. (What else is new?) I have no excuse, just a general lack of dedication. Story of my life. You know how it is.

Anywho... (I actually really hate that word.) So solid state drives are wicked awesome for battery life! Solid state should become the new standard. Oh wait... They actually aren't. They're really worse. Wait wait wait... Nope, they're okay. Is anyone else not sure what to believe on this? As much as it's a really minimal difference, (around 20 minutes,) there's been a pretty big hubbub about it in the last couple weeks. ...If you don't know what I'm talking about, then don't worry about it. I'm just being nerdy.

Speaking of being nerdy, helping the boyfriend build his new gaming rig this week made me want to get back into being a computer nerd. I stopped taking the computer science courses at school because I couldn't handle the course load, but I have started wishing that I hadn't. I want to build myself a wicked, stupidly expensive gaming rig now. Instead I get to borrow his old one indefinitely. (Score!)

Also... the entire world should sign up for twitter. Because I am currently the only one I know who has it. That is all.

They Are Calling From Across A Distant Shore

(Into The West, Annie Lennox)

The other day in education got me thinking... Dr. Gerard Yun came in and spoke about world music, and demonstrated a few instruments that he had painstakingly learned by immersing himself in the culture of its origin and learning from a master. And so... I'm on my kick where I just want to run away from everything again. Just go away from everything I have here and do something new and exciting that I can envelope myself in. I would love to do something like what Dr. Yun did and just go somewhere for the sole purpose of learning about how things are there. I don't even know that I would focus on something as specific as an instrument... As amazing as that would be. I just want to leave and immerse myself in something completely different and learn everything I can about it... The kind of things that you can't learn by looking up internet articles. But that seems like me being bored with life combined with the fact that I always want to learn things.

But I can over-think my life on my own time, I guess.

On another note, I found it really hard to lose the stereotypes that I have apparently had in my brain without me even noticing. It was really hard not to let the image of the wizened old chief with a pipe drift into my head when Dr. Yun was playing the flute whose name I forget... I find it very depressing that I am so susceptible to images and things that I am subjected too. I guess everyone is, unless they make a concerted effort to learn the truth of things and not be affected by it. I guess that can be done, if you try... It's hard to learn enough to push out the stereotypes, though.

I Just Want To Scream

(Scream, Collective Soul)

Right now I am sitting in theory, not listening to the lesson. That is really bad. I need to know this stuff, and I don't really understand it, but I can't seem to pay attention, no matter how hard I try. Even when I try to pay attention I just fall asleep. That can be blamed on how badly I've been sleeping lately, I guess. Last night I was awake intermittently all night long. I worry far too much. I worry about people that I barely know, and I worry about school, and I worry about things that might not even happen, and things that might not even matter. What it boils down to is that I am downright neurotic. Pretty much.

I can't sleep. I begin to think that maybe this is journal stuff, rather than posting to the internet stuff. Then again, it doesn't matter. People are probably even less likely to read this. Whatever. I can't handle anything right now. I just want to scream.

Somehow I Know That There's Much More To Come

(Whisper, Evanescence)

I am so stressed. Everything is going on at once. Masterclass, which I just found out is for guest guy terrifies me... Because I'm not ready at all. I have to do my education essay and I don't even have a topic yet. I have to do my history essay and I have never even heard the piece that I'm writing about before. I have to do my education presentation. I have a skillz dictation coming up, which I am not ready for, mock auds in two weeks, and I'm sure there's something else I am forgetting. Programming assignments every week... I seriously can't handle all of this. I think maybe I might have to drop out of programming. No computer science minor for me. But... I'll tough it out. I'm smart enough for this. I know it. I think low sleep and bad nutrition are just making me cranky.

Besides that... I've been reading a book on and off since the beginning of the school year, and I just don't have the time to get into it... It seems like it would be fascinating, though. It's called This Is Your Brain on Music: The Science Behind a Human Obsession. Thus far it hasn't gotten into the really juicy stuff, but it's about what happens in the brain because of music. Why music has the power to make us all teary and whatnot, and how it affects people. (Remembering my rant about sad songs... I should continue that, come to think of it. It's a good rant.) Honestly, really really interesting. I wish I wasn't drowning in work so that I could read it.

Every Day I Work So Hard...

(Dazed and Confused, Led Zeppelin)

Okay, so I fail at life. And by life I mean music history. I don't get it. I just can't absorb the information. I studied my butt off for a week and a half, and simply could not absorb the information that I needed on the midterm. I sat down, and stared at the questions for a ridiculously long time, and the information just would not come to me. I wonder if that's something to do with learning styles? Some people can't remember numbers and things... I don't remember dates, names... song titles... composers... All in all, I'm in rough shape, in a music history class. It actually makes me really mad. I read the stuff over and over, highlight the text book, rewrite my notes, and I just can't remember the information the next day. It's like my brain just rejects dates and historical events.

I also can't figure out theory... Which is pretty frustrating as well. I'm not as worried about that, because at least I have a few chances, instead of just three gigantic tests of my ability. I definitely have to get on the history essay really early this year, because it looks like it will carry my grade this term. Ew. Well... I guess all I can do is try... and hope there is someone around to kick me in the ass when I slack off.

I'm One Card Short Of A Full Deck...

(I'm Going Slightly Mad, Queen)

I was once really excited about playing Carmina Burana in wind ensemble. You would think that such a cool piece would be really fun to play... Here's a life lesson: Third trombone parts are almost never interesting. Ever. It kind of sucks. A lot.

In other news... I think I am going to explode from the workload this year. Seriously... All my music stuff, plus computer science, which has a ridiculous amount of class time. Labs, lectures... Six hours a week. On top of music stuff. It's enough to make a person go mad. If I keep missing programming lectures, I'm going to fail... But likewise, if I go all the time I'll go nuts.

I Remember Every Little Thing As If It Happened Only Yesterday

(Paradise By The Dashboard Light, Meatloaf)

Book that I highly recommend: The Game, by Neil Strauss. I started reading it last night, and I am in love with it. It's competing hard for the title of my favorite book. Read it. It's fascinating, and entertaining, and all that good stuff.

Anyway... So I'm back at home, and working, and all that jazz. As I suspected, the place where my Dad works did not even call me, because I am a girl... My brother got a call. You know how it is. Girls can't work in plants. It's dirty and smelly. Whatever. I am bitter.

The Badly Planned Road Trip went spectacularily. We didn't even die in a horrible car wreck, even though the car needed $1500 of work done to it when we got back. Disconnected struts and a cracked ball-joint... For the record, it was like that before we left. (I'm serious!) So apparently we were lucky to have made it at all. It was a good time, though. We went to Ottawa, and stayed at Cassie's family's house, and then to Montréal, where we stayed in an interesting (but cramped) youth hostel. It was neat. I spent a lot of time playing (fighting) with Cassie's family's dog... It made me miss Kaos. I want my puppy. :(

Bryan is finally moved into my place. His stuff is still sitting in boxes, with nothing done to it aside from it being slightly messed up from the times when he started digging through it because he needed something. (I am guessing at this last part... It's pretty likely, though.) He claims that the floor is crooked, and that the ceiling is too low, which it is, but it's not a bad little place.

Bryan is coming to the Tetris party... We're going to sit around, (four of us,) and play Tetris until our eyes bleed. Actually, we're playing until we beat the game. We'll do it. It can actually be done, because it's the N64 version. Winning does exist in that game.

I got my final grades back, finally. I have to take theory again, which upsets me quite a bit. I think otherwise my school schedule should remain unchanged, aside from bumping theory back a year, which will be a pain in the ass. I got a D in theory, but I needed a C+, because music is an honours program. It stresses me out.

I forget all the other stuff I was going to talk about... So I'll just cut it off here.

I'll Never Have That Recipe Again

(MacArthur Park, Richard Harris)

Finally. The essay from hell is over. I don't know what to do with myself, now.

That's a lie. I have to get better at theory and skillz... and playing. That is what I have to dedicate my time to now.

I want to make cookies, though. Perhaps a saner thing to do when bored, no?

I am so desperately tired, though. I can't seem to fit all the crap I have to do into the hours of a day. Admittedly, that is because I organize my time so badly, but it's still stressful. I think the only solution is to stop reading this dense theory junk, and start baking. Good plan.

Now I'm Sleepin' On The Sidewalk

(Sleeping on the Sidewalk, Queen)

Okay, not the sidewalk, the closet. Seriously. Okay... It's not a closet. It's a "storage room." But it may as well be a closet. It has no windows, and only enough room for a matress and the coat-rack type thing along the other wall. I have to sleep, and Rafia stays up all night studying, so instead of her studying in the common room, I sleep in the closet. Does this strike anyone besides me as a little unfair? I guess that just sort of comes with the territory of being a doormat... You get walked all over. (Man, I am so funny.)

I'm still lost in the swirling abyss of midterms... I am in rough shape, I think. My listening stuff is tomorrow, as well as the aural (and oral) stuff. Which is really the part that I am the least ready for. I have been studying like crazy, but I still don't feel ready for it. We'll see. I know I will have to work my ass off, though to keep my marks decent, because I am NOT doing well so far. (Not for lack of trying.) Like I said, we'll see how things work out.

You [my imaginary readers] may be wondering why my titles really have nothing to do with the content of these entries... It's because they are mostly song lyrics that the contents of the entry remind me of.

We're Here For a Good Time, Not a Long Time

(We're Here For a Good Time, Trooper)

I have succesfully recovered from last night's antics... I must say, fun was had. I am mildly surprised that I didn't feel much worse than I did this morning.

My parents came by today. We went to the orchestra concert, and dinner and Chapters. Nothing could be wrong with a day like that! I enjoy seeing people that I know. I am getting better with the people here, but I still miss those at home. I just wish that more of them could come up here sometimes. I think I might go to disc this Wednesday, because I would really like to see Marcy, if even for a little bit. I realize that it is mildly pathetic... But I can't help it. I miss him. Probably moreso than I do my own family. Largely because I don't see him nearly as often, I guess.

Well, I'm going to truncate that particular broken-record topic.

I need to work on my apathy problem. I can't motivate myself to do smart things... Like study for theory, which I am borderline failing. Instead I am sitting here writing in my blog that no one reads, about things that no one cares about. Even now, I have no intention of going and doing theory; I am going to knit, or play the guitar, or something equally pointless. Ah, well. It's what I do.