18.9.06

On Sleep Deprivation

I find I do my best thinking, and my least coherent speaking, late at night. The two are not conducive to anyone understanding my thoughts, but at least I get it.

I was thinking this evening, (more accurately, I was randomly text-babbling, which led to thought,) about how I have changed in the past year or so. There has been a lot of changes. For one, I have become very dependent on others. That could be seen as a good thing, or a bad one. I personally see it as a bad one, having had much pride in my former self-reliance. I suppose it is better for my overall mental health if I unload some of my thoughts on someone, rather than bottling it up, and doing dumb things. Perhaps I should work on keeping a few of them to myself, though. I really never stop talking, if I find someone who will listen.

Maybe that's all I do... Find someone who will tolerate my nonsense, and cling to them until we are separated, for whatever reason. That certainly seems like the pattern. First with Greg, then with Amanda, then with Lara, and now with Marcel. Maybe this one will end better, though. The rest have all ended in us going our seperate ways, and not talking to one another. Honestly, it is quite sad, because, in all of those cases, we were very good, close friends. I will not let that happen to Marcel and I, though. I will make a valiant effort to stop annoying the hell out of him, though. Honestly... I never stop talking. Ever.

Until I realize that I should be sleeping, of course. Which I have just done. And will go and do now.
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