Chronicles of Camping (In Which I Kick Sand in the Face of Danger)

This year, I found myself thinking that I hadn’t been camping in a very long time, and that I might like to go. Tragically, I had this thought some time in the middle of August, and drastically underestimated the amount of people that enjoy reserving camp sites in the middle of September. I say ‘reserving camp sites’ rather than ‘camping’ because I can only assume, based on the number of reserved sites in the month of September (many) compared to the amount of actual live people at the campground (none), that people are getting their kicks from sitting at home on their computers and making campground reservations for the sheer thrill. As a result, Bryan and I got pigeon-holed into camping at the end of September. (This conveniently coincided with the week of his birthday so that I can pretend that we went camping for his birthday and not feel bad for not doing anything special even though he doesn’t really like camping.)

That is not to say that the camping trip was bad. It wasn’t. It was a great trip and, considering that it took place in the middle of the fall, could hardly have gone better. We were largely prepared for the cold weather, which surprised us by being balmy and beautiful (for September), and we didn’t expect to be able to swim or tan or anything like that, so we weren’t disappointed. The thing that I didn’t take into account was the fact that the last time I was camping I was literally responsible for absolutely nothing. I had no say in, nor responsibility for any of the organizational aspects of the trips. My parents ran the whole show, and I was pretty much completely oblivious as to all the finer details of camping. After hitting this realization like an electric fence, I asked my wonderful mom for some helpful advice. She proceeded to tell me things that I am sure seasoned campers will take for granted as common sense that I had not even begun to think of. For example, freeze things before you go. Don’t just put kind of chilled food in a cooler and expect it to keep. Keep your cooler under the bench of a picnic table so that animals can’t get into it. (That one I found to be particularly ingenious.)

Speaking of animals, since the park that we were able to scrounge up a reservation at was located on a tiny, sandy peninsula in lake Erie, one side of it was nothing but a great big beach, and the other side was nothing but a giant squishy marsh, with a bit of solid land in the middle to set up tents on. (Our campsite was on the beachy side, so the ground cover on the whole site was sand.) As a result there is a distinct lack of wildlife at this park aside from snakes, toads and seagulls, which we saw in abundance. Other than that we encountered approximately two animals. (Approximately.) One was a very tiny black turtle that I rescued from the middle of the deserted road and didn’t think to take a picture of. The other was a furry mammal of some kind that thought it would like whatever was in our garbage bag. (This goes back to another piece of what I suspect is camping common sense: Take out your trash every night. Or at least put it in the trunk.) Bryan and I were sitting around the fire on our second (or maybe third - I really don’t recall) night there, and there was a snuffling sound around the picnic table. I got up to investigate, forgetting that the animals of a provincial park are so acclimatized to humans that just walking near them is not enough to make them go away. I walked over to the picnic table, mostly blind as I didn’t think to bring a light, and thought to myself “What did I think I was going to do about this? I walked over here like I had some kind of purpose, and since my mere presence isn’t enough to scare it away, I guess I have to do something.” Except this whole thought process took place in about 0.4 seconds, so really it was something like “Oh-gawd-it’s-not-leaving-and-I-can’t-see-whatdoIdo?” KICK. My reflexive reaction was to kick sand at the beastie in hopes that it would go away. Immediately following this decision I realized that it was pretty stupid, thinking that it could be an angry porcupine at worst, or a particularly brave raccoon at best. To my great relief, rather than shooting quills at me or jumping on my face and maiming me, the animal trundled off and hid under the car for the next several hours. As it waddled away, I was still almost entirely blind, so I took the opportunity to check the animal out a little. All I could tell was that it was very light in colour, and I didn’t really think anything of it until I reached forward to pick up the garbage bag that it had been rooting through. Then I noticed the smell. I then ran away and hid behind the tent, babbling a little bit. Bryan was suitably confused, and I had to explain to him that “I just kicked sand in a skunk’s face.” He laughed at me and I came out from behind the tent and disposed of the garbage (armed with a lantern this time) and then we sat by the fire some more. So, like most of my stories, the end is a bit anticlimactic: “And then it ran away.” I didn’t get sprayed, and it didn’t come back, and I didn’t chase it down with a stick or anything, but it is the most interesting of my non-mushy camping stories, so there you have it. I kicked sand at a skunk and lived.

I Really Like Getting Mail

Today I walked for half an hour in the blazing ten billion degree sun (that’s Centigrade, for anyone who’s wondering), braving road construction and unfinished stairs and heat stroke to pick up a package from the post office. That is how important getting mail is to me.
I was expecting my package to be full of shirts, because I ordered shirts several weeks ago from TeeFury.com. (For the record, their shipping to Canada is VERY slow.) Instead of my long-awaited tee shirts, I got computer decals, which are good too, I guess. I actually got two of them because I couldn’t decide which one I liked better, so for now I have the one pictured to the left on my laptop. I also got this one.

I bought them on the internet, because I don’t seem to believe in real stores and things anymore, and I am including a link to the store where I bought them because there are some other really cool ones there, and they are totally worth buying and I am not just saying that to get a discount. There is a really cool Iron Man one that was definitely my third choice. As it stands, I am pretty happy with my retro nerdery.

Cool Decal on Etsy.

Adventures in Deep Frying Pickles

I was having a conversation with a friend today about life and hoop scotch [sic] and other things, and eventually we got to talking about food. Being in Japan presently, he was talking about places from Kitchener that he misses eating at. Greasy food cravings, bacon (which apparently is not that common in Japan), and pickle fries. I suspect now that pickle fries are something completely different than I thought they were, but regardless, I started thinking (and talking) about deep fried pickle spears. (There was also talk of wrapping deep fried pickles in bacon and then oven-roasting them, but as I didn’t have any bacon, that will have to be an adventure for another day.)

I decided, as I hadn’t eaten anything yet (at 3 in the afternoon), that deep fried pickles were as good a lunch as any. I Googled “deep fried pickles” and briefly looked at one recipe, but before I had even finished reading the ingredients list I thought to myself “psh. I can do this. How hard can it be?” I know what you are thinking: “Oh no. Things that start with ‘how hard can it be?’ always end in disaster!” but not so! For once, it was really easy. If anyone cares to try it, I will send you my delicious made up combination of stuff that I used for breading and breading adhesive, but it would be easier for you to just look it up on the internet. (I’m sure there is a name for ‘breading adhesive’, but I don’t know what it is.)

So Operation Home-Made-Deep-Fried-Pickles was a great success. Successful enough that I felt the need to take an artsy picture to show them off. (I should be a food photographer.) As you can see, they are a little bit ugly. (Who knew that the technique for getting breading to stick to meat does not also work for pickles?) The ones that were double-breaded looked much prettier, but the breading fell off of them a lot easier. You can’t win them all.

All in all, a delicious way to spend half an hour.

Drink Recipes Made Up While Drunk

Blue Murder-Death 5000: Approximately one eyeballed ounce of blue curacao, one of spiced rum, ice, fill with gingerale. 

Verdict: Actually kind of delicious. This has a real name, and real measurements, but we found it at a LAN party and couldn’t be bothered looking up the real name or recipe, so we renamed it.

Black Hole: (Originally called the Blue Murder-Death 9001) One small blue freezie, some strawberry syrup, pink lemonade, lemon juice, and a completely arbitrary amount of blue curacao.

Verdict: Tastes like syrupy sweetness. Started out blue with red at the bottom, then when it got stirred, it turned black. Hence the new name. Devised by Bryan when I told him to surprise me, with the qualifier “make it something delicious”.

Blue Cow: Blue curacao and milk.

Verdict: Kind of delicious also, but bad for people who are lactose intolerant… Like me.

Adventures in Closing a Restaurant

I was really worried about my first close all by myself, and while I don’t think it was a complete failure, it was definitely a bit of an adventure. I’m not even going to embellish this one. It is pretty entertaining on its own merits.

(Note: I’ve decided to use fake names for my coworkers because I am not sure how they feel about me talking about them on the internet. Not that it will really help, but at least I can feel like I am providing some kind of anonymity.)

First of all, I started the day thinking that I was going to be closing with Bill as my delivery driver. (Most times there are only a manager and a driver working on a close shift.) I was not excited about this premise because Bill does not know how to do managerial things, so if I couldn’t remember something I would be up the creek. The store manager called me that morning for an unrelated reason, and told me that Bill had quit, effective immediately, that morning. (I suspect that this is related the yelling match that he had with another driver two nights prior.) She also told me that it didn’t matter to me, because my closing driver was supposed to be Dimitar (who does know how to do managerial things). So I went in to work at 5:00 armed with that knowledge, thinking that my close might not be a disaster after all.

I got to work and the store manager informed me that Dimi was not my driver after all. It was supposed to be Diego. This was troubling, because he does not know how to do managerial things, or even basic non-driver things, so he would be no help at all. (Especially combined with the fact that I find his accentreally hard to follow.) Then about an hour into the shift, the manager gets a call saying that Diego has just found out that he is getting deported, so he has to quit, effective immediately. Dimi was at work at the time, so we asked him to stay and close (even though he had already been there since 10 AM) but he was feeling fairly unwell, so he opted to go home and sleep. We called in the assistant manager to close with me, which meant that I probably wasn’t going to fail. Bully for me.

The night went on fairly uneventfully. The store manager went home, the assistant manager drove deliveries, there was a little rush, we dealt with it, the night went on. Then, at about 9:30 or so, Mr. Assistant Manager called me up while he was on a delivery and told me that he had blown a tire and had no idea when he would be able to get back. At this point I had no idea what to do. I texted the store manager and she said to call Dimitar, so I did. I told him the story, and he grumbled and thought about it for about a second and then said “Fuggit. I’ll be right there.” (I later found out that he was only hesitant about coming in because he was in bed and full of Nyquil.)

I called all of my delivery customers and told them the story, and they were all very amicable about it, and agreed to come pick up their orders. Great. Now I had just called in Dimi and dragged him out of bed to not make any deliveries.

After that the night was fairly uneventful. Dimitar, in his true fashion, was not upset at all, (or at least didn’t seem it) and said that I should have called him right away instead of waiting. Assistant Manager came back after Dimi had been there for about half an hour, and then he left and the we finished the close, (very late,) after I dropped the scale on the floor and broke it. But that was one of the less concerning parts of my evening. Hopefully my next close goes smoother.

The Most Interesting Part of My Day So Far*

Here I was, being all domestic and cutting up an onion in the kitchen, and this quiet sort of constant hum asserts itself on my awareness. I don’t really notice it for a while, cooking happily and blinking away onion-tears, but then I realize that it is getting louder. My directional hearing has never been very good, so I am not surprised that I can’t really identify where it is coming from. I assume it is a sound from outside somewhere and move on to crushing garlic in a damn poor excuse for a garlic crusher. As I listen to the ambient sounds of the house, I realize that this noise sounds something like a motor. In fact, it sounds remarkably like a small motor boat, skimming over water, complete with the pulsing rhythm as it skids over waves. For almost a whole second, my brain is satisfied with that answer. There must be someone boating. That’s fine.

Wait, what?

There is no body of water within miles of here that could support that kind of boating, never mind within earshot through closed doors. What the hell could it be? Then suddenly… It stops. I shrug and move on with my life, stirring spicy things into my pot of pungent mush. I go into the living room to check up in the internet, when all of a sudden: BANG! - from above me. What the hell was that? Is the woman upstairs throwing furniture? Then comes a terrible sound like the house is going to come crashing down on my head - Have I told my family that I love them lately? I’m about to be crushed by the two upper stories of my house. Should I try and make my peace with god? The bookshelves are shaking, the light fixtures are trembling, the whole building is about to come down, I’m sure. - Oh no, wait. That’s a vacuum cleaner.

          *Aside from my conversation with my most faithful reader, of course.

Mufasa's War on Stagnant Water

I think that Mu has made an enemy of his new water dish. Either he is much smarter than I give him credit for, or much dumber. I haven’t figured out which. My parents gave us one of those water bowls with a little tank about it so that it refills itself through the magic of physics, and I don’t think Mufasa likes it. I haven’t figured out exactly what he does to the thing, but one minute he will be drinking peacefully from it, and the next minute half of its contents are somehow spewed out across the kitchen.

I have a few theories:

1. (This theory assumes that the cat is much smarter than I give him credit for.) Mu really does not like to drink standing water. When he had a normal dish, he would refuse to drink from it unless it was changed a couple of times every day. He would drink from the toilet, the sink, the shower, and ignore his water dish. My theory is that he has either figured out that when the bowl is sufficiently emptied, he gets new water or that when the bowl is emptied enough times, we will refill it with fresh water. As a result he somehow - I have yet to actually witness the actual emptying - forcibly ejects the contents of his bowl in order to get new water. 
2. (This theory assumes that the cat is even dumber than I think he is, which is a feat, as I think he is pretty dumb.) The water bowl makes a ‘glug-glug’ sound when it fills itself. I have seen him stare at the bowl wondering what is going on when it does this. I assume that he is startled every time it happens (despite it being a regular occurrence that happens every time he drinks), and tries to take off at a run, skidding on the hardwood floor and violently kicking the water bowl in his failed attempt to flee from it. 
3. Mu is out to make my life more difficult through any of the limited means he has available to him, and therefore sloshes water about for the sheer glory of watching me clean it up later. (Again, assuming he is smart enough to put together sloshing water with me having to clean it up.) 
4. He just really, really hates the water bowl and tries to end its life (such as it is) after every use. 

I figure it’s only a matter of time until he starts setting strategies against the washing machine and anything else that creates sounds that startle and confuse him. I am putting my bets on the washing machine though.

Thank You, Papa John!

I have just completed one of my shortest job hunts ever. I suspect that this is because I was willing to settle for whatever job someone offered me. Here’s the story:

Yesterday I did my first day of actual resume distributing in person. I went to about a dozen places, though only a couple of them were actually hiring. When I got home, Bryan called and told me that he read on a piece of paper stuck to a pizza box that the pizza place down the street is was hiring managers. Thinking that I really have no managerial experience, and didn’t really have a chance at all, I sent off a resume. An hour later, I got a call asking if I could come in for an interview. I went in for that interview today, announced that I wanted to be general manager, and the manager basically said “Okay. Can you start on Tuesday?” (There was a little bit of ridiculousness in the middle where I had the manager and my mom laughing at me simultaneously, but that’s a different story.) So… Now I am going to be a manager at a pizza place, despite having never made pizza nor been a manager before.

Sounds like an adventure to me!

New and Exciting

Wow. I forgot that this existed, kind of. Anyone surprised?

So, what has been new since the last post? Me and the boyfriend have had our ups and downs, but the two year anniversary is coming on strong. I'm pretty excited about that. I'm not sure why. It just seems like a big deal. It's the longest relationship either one of us has been in, and that's important, I guess.

Right now I am getting ready for formal tonight. Waiting for my hair dye to ferment, and all that good stuff. Pumped for it. It should be a really good time. The family is going to Cuba in February. That is news. We are going to Blau Costa Verde, in Holguin. I am pretty frigging excited. I'll miss Valentine's day, but I hate V-Day anyway, and I'll be back in time for the anniversary. So all is good. I am really kind of out of things to say. There hasn't been a lot of excitement. I did okay in my courses, there has been a little bit of crazy drama, but c'est la vie. You know how it is. Maybe I'll try and update every now and again. We'll see.

HOLY FUCK MY DASHBOARD!

Oh wait... No. It's the same. Whew. Got scared there for a minute. What with all the really unpleasant changes happening to all of my favourite websites lately... You know how it is.

Anyway... I had an adventure in bat-wrangling today. Bryan was too busy playing video games to be the man of the house, so I had to drag the thing angrily out from under the dryer and make it get out of the room before it decided it was warmer inside and flew back in. Then I just threw a towel on it, picked it up and carried it outside. It was epic. (I think that Faith expected me to dodge around like an idiot, but I was more competent than you would expect.)

...And that was my adventure. That is all.

Someone Saved My Life Tonight

(Someone Saved My Life Tonight, Elton John)

No one saved my life, actually... Someone refrained from ending my life. How's that?

So, I almost got run down today. There were screeching tires, and everything. I was crossing the street, and looking at the ground, because I was thinking about something, and I just heard a tire-screeching noise, and then, all of a sudden, there was a car, within arms reach. It was terrifying. I think there have been very few times in my life when I have been that scared. I'm still kind of shaken up, to be honest. It was very, very scary.

...In other news... Oh wait... I don't have any other news. Never mind. I am really shaky now. Bah. Silly nerves. Some guy did ask me if I was okay, though. It didn't really help at all... but it was a nice gesture.