1.1.08

I'm Movin' Out

(Anthony's Song, Billy Joel)

Holy crap, 2008. I will write the date wrong for at least a month. I had a pretty awesome new years. I hung out with my family, Bryan and a couple of family friends. It was really quiet, and I liked it, being the antisocial troll that I am. I just like quiet things over loud drunken parties.

I still can't figure out what I want to do about living arrangements for next year. I have three options:
  1. Stay where I am. I like my house, I like my roommates, I like my room in the basement where no one bothers me and I can sneak in and out when I like. I like the fact that people mostly ignore me. Sometimes it's depressing, but usually it's just nice. I like having the privacy, and basically having my own bathroom. Next year, if we stay, it looks like Esther will be moving into Nick's room, which would be nice. I know that Mufasa (the new cat) can stay there as well.
  2. Move to a new place. - I could just go out and do my own thing, either by myself or find a new crowd, or whatever, but either way this strikes me as the least appealing option. I don't want to house hunt if I don't have to, and I don't really want to live on my own, as much as I just ranted about how much I like quiet and privacy. I like to be able to talk to people, if I feel like it. I also don't want to get saddled with a new group of strangers. Not a fan of that. Tried that once, it didn't work out really well.
  3. Move in with Bryan. - This one both appeals to me and terrifies me. Fiscally, it is the smartest option. Bryan and I basically live together now, we just pay two different rent bills, and alternate between houses. My house is effectively just a place to store my stuff, and not be bothered by house mates. If we do that, however, there is a whole new set of issues that gets opened up. The fact that my family will pretty much see us as married, and then stop giving me money for anything is a serious problem. I don't know how well I would be able to function without that bit of help they give me. I also wouldn't have a car... But I guess Bryan's car would be available, if I really needed one sometimes. There's also the fact that Bryan needs to get started on a life and getting a real job. If he finds something fantastic in Toronto, who's to say that he would still want to stay in Waterloo with me? There is always the possibility of us breaking up. Where I stand right now I can't see it happening, but who's to say? If we do, I feel like we could still get along and live in the same house for a year until our lease runs out. We are both pretty reasonable people like that.
I would love to live with Bryan, but I am scared of it. I think I am just really afraid of breaking off those last ties with my family and being a person unto myself. It's a scary thing, life. I don't know what to do. My hesitation makes me wonder if I'm really ready for where the relationship is going. Then again, knowing me, if I were to wait until I had no hesitation before I did something, it would never ever get done. Silly paranoia.
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