The Merits of Talking to Myself

I have been thinking about this blog lately. About what it is and what it could be and what I want it to be. My problem is that I don't really have any idea of the answer to any of those questions. It isn't really anything now; it is not a place to share information or new ideas, and it is not a place where I try to entertain people. It's not useful or fun, and if it's not either of those, then what is it?

Seems to me that it is more or less a completely self-indulgent collection of my thoughts that I post in when I want to feel like someone wants to know what I think.

I tried having a blog where the goal was to be entertaining, but I ran out of inspiration after about a month. Even then, it was a mishmash of whatever happened to come to my head. It had no cohesive theme or plan. It was just me talking about whatever I happened to want to talk about at any given time. I just tried a little harder for it to be funny. (Which I'm still not sure that it was.)

This blog was always sort of a substitute diary. I feel that, in general, the internet is really better off without those. An individual's thoughts and babblings about their day to day lives (be it me or anyone else) generally speaking, do not interest anyone. No one on the internet really wants to hear how I feel about my day at work, or my armchair psychiatric analyses of why people are the way they are.

Further to that, no one really cares about the deliberation behind what my blog should be about or how it should be presented.

From here, the question becomes whether or not I should continue writing it, knowing that no one wants to hear what I have to say. Why do I try to keep a blog? For the benefit of other people, or myself? We've already covered the fact that it's not for other people, so what benefit does it have for me?

It keeps me literate, there is that. I don't do a lot of writing nowadays, unless it is in chat or email, so some practice is a good thing. That is something that I could do in a personal journal, though. I wonder if that might be a better place for it.

Some part of me still resists the idea of curling into my shell and ceasing my broadcast of inanity altogether. Maybe I just need to feel listened to.

My Little Children's Show

After all the hype that has been happening about this stupid show, I decided to give it an honest try. I watched three whole episodes, thinking that there must be something to this show that is drawing all of these people in. Turns out that no, it is just a children’s show that has drawn an inexplicably large following of adult men from the internet.

And I like to draw while I watch television. There you have it.

I Don't Know How to Internet

I recently sorted out that I seem to use Tumblr wrong. My interpretation was that it was made for sharing original things; for blogging and sharing one's own thoughts and works. This was how I used it for a good long time. It seems that it has since mutated into some badly implemented substitution for email forwards for people who are too computer literate to get in with email forwards.

So now I am left with a blog full of my own things that I put a lot of time and effort into, that I no longer want to use at all because the community at large uses Tumblr for something else altogether, and I just look like an idiot for using it like a blog. So here I am, back with the old standby. Blogger. It has been around forever, and has never really changed. I'll share my thoughts here, and maybe if I am energetic I will make a Wordpress or something where I try to be entertaining like I did on my Tumblr. I have two choices: Stubbornly stick to my methods of posting real content to Tumblr and denying the trend of just reblogging images that make me giggle, or I can leave my Tumblr to die and be buried in images of stills from movies with quotes written on them.

Well Tumblr, it's been a lark.

A Year Later...

I've made the decision to reopen this blog. (Not that it was ever closed, really. Just inactive.) I've also decided that I am not going to worry about whether I am posting things that people need or want to read about. I am going to post what I want. If it bores you, then don't read it. I am totally okay with that. I have another blog where my goal is to amuse and entertain, and where I post very infrequently, as I am not clever often enough. Try that one if this one isn't to your liking. (It's over here.)

I haven't posted in this blog in a year. Well, a little more than a year. My last post was from December of 2010. It is now January of 2012. It has been a long, long time. A lot of things have happened over that year. 2011 was a good and exciting time to be me.

A quick summary of the year:

We lived on King St in Kitchener for the beginning of the year, in a one-bedroom flat. In February, we bought a house. In April we adopted a dog, Daisy, who came with the name Hayley, who is a constant source of craziness in the house. In May we moved into the new house; a three bedroom backsplit on the edge of town, near a swamp but backing on to a storm water pond. Not too shabby. In December (on Christmas day, to be specific,) Bryan proposed to me, and we are now engaged. Life careens on at a startling pace, as usual.

We have started the actual planning stages for the wedding now, and let me just say, even though we opted to go with what seemed like the easy way, it is a daunting task. Cuba is the plan, ideally next winter. I should know more details before the month is out, but for now I field and endless torrent of "do you have a date yet?" with a resounding "...kind of?".

Fitness Boot Camp: Day One

I got in from my first hour long session of “fitness boot camp” a couple of hours ago. Rather, what would have been an hour long if I didn’t get nauseous and start losing my vision half way in to the class. Apparently that kind of thing happens when you try to go from zero exercise ever to crazy intense hour long workouts in one go. Live and learn. To summarize my first efforts: Embarrassing, but that is to be expected.

I made the decision to go with a friend, which did help in some aspects, but just heightened the embarrassment when I had to quit because I was going blind.

Anyway, I don’t yet wish I was dead. I’ve only been resting for a couple of hours, so my muscles are still in that noodle-like stage where they just stop functioning if I ask too much of them. (Down the stairs? Those leg muscles might just abruptly stop catching you when you hit that next step.) BUT; they are not yet sore. I am actually feeling like I may not have to force myself to go to the next one. It is good for me, after all. (My mantra during this ordeal is “this is good for me.” We’ll see if it sticks.) If you asked me right now how I feel about going to another 11 of these sessions, I would say pretty good. I have a sneaking suspicion that if you ask me the same question tomorrow, I will break down and weep unreservedly.