(Disease, Matchbox 20)
I think I'm dying. I have the worst immune system ever. If I didn't know that AIDS takes so long to manifest, I would swear that I had it. Random enourmous bruises cropping up, my awesome bronchitis cough back for another spin, after having been around for a solid two months only a few weeks ago, with pink eye and cold sores on top of that. It's a wonder my piercings haven't got infected yet. I am so tired of being sick... I just want to sleep for like a month, and hope it goes away. In the meantime, I will continue to work myself to death.
It is what it is.
13.3.07
I'll Never Have That Recipe Again
(MacArthur Park, Richard Harris)
Finally. The essay from hell is over. I don't know what to do with myself, now.
That's a lie. I have to get better at theory and skillz... and playing. That is what I have to dedicate my time to now.
I want to make cookies, though. Perhaps a saner thing to do when bored, no?
I am so desperately tired, though. I can't seem to fit all the crap I have to do into the hours of a day. Admittedly, that is because I organize my time so badly, but it's still stressful. I think the only solution is to stop reading this dense theory junk, and start baking. Good plan.
Finally. The essay from hell is over. I don't know what to do with myself, now.
That's a lie. I have to get better at theory and skillz... and playing. That is what I have to dedicate my time to now.
I want to make cookies, though. Perhaps a saner thing to do when bored, no?
I am so desperately tired, though. I can't seem to fit all the crap I have to do into the hours of a day. Admittedly, that is because I organize my time so badly, but it's still stressful. I think the only solution is to stop reading this dense theory junk, and start baking. Good plan.
2.3.07
Let it Snow
(Let It Snow, Anon.)
So, I have wasted this entire day. What are snow days for, right? I can't say that I didn't enjoy it... I just really feel like it was wasted. I practiced an hour, and that was the only productive thing I did, all day. I was in bed until around 14:30, and then sat around watching House and Borat until 17:00. I ate dinner, practiced, and read a book. Now here I am. Sounds like a total waste of 24 hours to me.
Then again, I did get to spend time with someone whom I care about very much... and can that really be called wasted time? Well... I'm being super sappy, now. :P I realize that anything else I have to say at the moment would be further sap... So that's enough.
So, I have wasted this entire day. What are snow days for, right? I can't say that I didn't enjoy it... I just really feel like it was wasted. I practiced an hour, and that was the only productive thing I did, all day. I was in bed until around 14:30, and then sat around watching House and Borat until 17:00. I ate dinner, practiced, and read a book. Now here I am. Sounds like a total waste of 24 hours to me.
Then again, I did get to spend time with someone whom I care about very much... and can that really be called wasted time? Well... I'm being super sappy, now. :P I realize that anything else I have to say at the moment would be further sap... So that's enough.
24.2.07
It's Been A While...
(It's Been a While, Staind)
So, it's been forever since I've posted. I've been slacking off.
So, recent events. Just go back into Waterloo, from reading week. That was an adventure. Spent a lot of time evading my family, (or so they tell me,) and much time working. It was uninteresting. As much as I don't really like school right now, working at Tim Horton's for the rest of my life would make me kill myself. No lie. I wouldn't be able to handle that. I can't imagine how people do that, their entire lives. It just baffles me.
Moving on... There was less awkwardness on reading week than I expected. I really thought that between Bryan and my parents, me and Bryan's dad, and Bryan and Marcy, there would be unending awkwardness, all the time... But it didn't happen, so much. There was a little... but I expected anger, conflict, and general insanity. There was very little of any of those things.
I guess this is lining up to be a pretty mindless entry... One of the boring, life-updating sorts that no one cares about.
Oh! For anyone reading this that is not privy to all the goings-on in my life because I tell them verbally, (which is probably no one, as Mason is the only one I know of that ever even looks at this,) Bryan is the new squeeze, I guess. If you want to say that. Much madness has ensued, as a result. Marcy is quite upset about it, but we have worked out that he needs some time and will get over it. Someone else, who was apparently in love with Bryan previously, is telling me that she is not mad... But I really have no idea.
That's THAT news... Um... I'm out of things to say that aren't crazily personal. I'll make up for it later, by being less boring.
So, it's been forever since I've posted. I've been slacking off.
So, recent events. Just go back into Waterloo, from reading week. That was an adventure. Spent a lot of time evading my family, (or so they tell me,) and much time working. It was uninteresting. As much as I don't really like school right now, working at Tim Horton's for the rest of my life would make me kill myself. No lie. I wouldn't be able to handle that. I can't imagine how people do that, their entire lives. It just baffles me.
Moving on... There was less awkwardness on reading week than I expected. I really thought that between Bryan and my parents, me and Bryan's dad, and Bryan and Marcy, there would be unending awkwardness, all the time... But it didn't happen, so much. There was a little... but I expected anger, conflict, and general insanity. There was very little of any of those things.
I guess this is lining up to be a pretty mindless entry... One of the boring, life-updating sorts that no one cares about.
Oh! For anyone reading this that is not privy to all the goings-on in my life because I tell them verbally, (which is probably no one, as Mason is the only one I know of that ever even looks at this,) Bryan is the new squeeze, I guess. If you want to say that. Much madness has ensued, as a result. Marcy is quite upset about it, but we have worked out that he needs some time and will get over it. Someone else, who was apparently in love with Bryan previously, is telling me that she is not mad... But I really have no idea.
That's THAT news... Um... I'm out of things to say that aren't crazily personal. I'll make up for it later, by being less boring.
18.1.07
It's Not Sane...
(No Rain, Blind Melon)
Holy fuck. I can't believe I'm still awake. I haven't been to bed before 04:00 at all this week, but this is just ridiculous. I hate not being able to sleep. HATE it. Today is going to be a long day, I'm sure. Jazz until 22:00. LONG day.
I have been doing some serious thinking. You might even border to call it soul-searching. I need to get away from outside influences. I need to go out and be a hermit for a little while. Just think, without people telling me their opinions. I wish I could take off for a week. A weekend, even. I have come to accept that Marcel and I will almost definitely not get back together. I still wish that it would happen, but I know that it likely won't. I am trying to find what I believe, and I can't let what I want myself to believe, for him, get in the way of that.
What I really want to do is go off on a vision quest, in a manner of speaking. Maybe not exactly that, but something along those lines. I need to get away from everything. All distractions and outside influences. I know it won't happen. Maybe I should take a weekend, and just go somewhere. I wish I could. I wish I could afford it, and I wish I could spare the time from the rest of my life. I want to say the important parts of my life, but what is more important? Knowing who I am and what I think, and my own identity, or having some money now? I guess that's a matter of perspective. For my physical well-being, work is more important. I'm not sure if I value my mental, emotional and spiritual well-being below that. Maybe I will just run off for a while. I doubt it. But it would be nice.
Holy fuck. I can't believe I'm still awake. I haven't been to bed before 04:00 at all this week, but this is just ridiculous. I hate not being able to sleep. HATE it. Today is going to be a long day, I'm sure. Jazz until 22:00. LONG day.
I have been doing some serious thinking. You might even border to call it soul-searching. I need to get away from outside influences. I need to go out and be a hermit for a little while. Just think, without people telling me their opinions. I wish I could take off for a week. A weekend, even. I have come to accept that Marcel and I will almost definitely not get back together. I still wish that it would happen, but I know that it likely won't. I am trying to find what I believe, and I can't let what I want myself to believe, for him, get in the way of that.
What I really want to do is go off on a vision quest, in a manner of speaking. Maybe not exactly that, but something along those lines. I need to get away from everything. All distractions and outside influences. I know it won't happen. Maybe I should take a weekend, and just go somewhere. I wish I could. I wish I could afford it, and I wish I could spare the time from the rest of my life. I want to say the important parts of my life, but what is more important? Knowing who I am and what I think, and my own identity, or having some money now? I guess that's a matter of perspective. For my physical well-being, work is more important. I'm not sure if I value my mental, emotional and spiritual well-being below that. Maybe I will just run off for a while. I doubt it. But it would be nice.
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