(Into The West, Annie Lennox)
The other day in education got me thinking... Dr. Gerard Yun came in and spoke about world music, and demonstrated a few instruments that he had painstakingly learned by immersing himself in the culture of its origin and learning from a master. And so... I'm on my kick where I just want to run away from everything again. Just go away from everything I have here and do something new and exciting that I can envelope myself in. I would love to do something like what Dr. Yun did and just go somewhere for the sole purpose of learning about how things are there. I don't even know that I would focus on something as specific as an instrument... As amazing as that would be. I just want to leave and immerse myself in something completely different and learn everything I can about it... The kind of things that you can't learn by looking up internet articles. But that seems like me being bored with life combined with the fact that I always want to learn things.
But I can over-think my life on my own time, I guess.
On another note, I found it really hard to lose the stereotypes that I have apparently had in my brain without me even noticing. It was really hard not to let the image of the wizened old chief with a pipe drift into my head when Dr. Yun was playing the flute whose name I forget... I find it very depressing that I am so susceptible to images and things that I am subjected too. I guess everyone is, unless they make a concerted effort to learn the truth of things and not be affected by it. I guess that can be done, if you try... It's hard to learn enough to push out the stereotypes, though.
It is what it is.
1.1.08
I'm Movin' Out
(Anthony's Song, Billy Joel)
Holy crap, 2008. I will write the date wrong for at least a month. I had a pretty awesome new years. I hung out with my family, Bryan and a couple of family friends. It was really quiet, and I liked it, being the antisocial troll that I am. I just like quiet things over loud drunken parties.
I still can't figure out what I want to do about living arrangements for next year. I have three options:
Holy crap, 2008. I will write the date wrong for at least a month. I had a pretty awesome new years. I hung out with my family, Bryan and a couple of family friends. It was really quiet, and I liked it, being the antisocial troll that I am. I just like quiet things over loud drunken parties.
I still can't figure out what I want to do about living arrangements for next year. I have three options:
- Stay where I am. I like my house, I like my roommates, I like my room in the basement where no one bothers me and I can sneak in and out when I like. I like the fact that people mostly ignore me. Sometimes it's depressing, but usually it's just nice. I like having the privacy, and basically having my own bathroom. Next year, if we stay, it looks like Esther will be moving into Nick's room, which would be nice. I know that Mufasa (the new cat) can stay there as well.
- Move to a new place. - I could just go out and do my own thing, either by myself or find a new crowd, or whatever, but either way this strikes me as the least appealing option. I don't want to house hunt if I don't have to, and I don't really want to live on my own, as much as I just ranted about how much I like quiet and privacy. I like to be able to talk to people, if I feel like it. I also don't want to get saddled with a new group of strangers. Not a fan of that. Tried that once, it didn't work out really well.
- Move in with Bryan. - This one both appeals to me and terrifies me. Fiscally, it is the smartest option. Bryan and I basically live together now, we just pay two different rent bills, and alternate between houses. My house is effectively just a place to store my stuff, and not be bothered by house mates. If we do that, however, there is a whole new set of issues that gets opened up. The fact that my family will pretty much see us as married, and then stop giving me money for anything is a serious problem. I don't know how well I would be able to function without that bit of help they give me. I also wouldn't have a car... But I guess Bryan's car would be available, if I really needed one sometimes. There's also the fact that Bryan needs to get started on a life and getting a real job. If he finds something fantastic in Toronto, who's to say that he would still want to stay in Waterloo with me? There is always the possibility of us breaking up. Where I stand right now I can't see it happening, but who's to say? If we do, I feel like we could still get along and live in the same house for a year until our lease runs out. We are both pretty reasonable people like that.
12.11.07
I Just Want To Scream
(Scream, Collective Soul)
Right now I am sitting in theory, not listening to the lesson. That is really bad. I need to know this stuff, and I don't really understand it, but I can't seem to pay attention, no matter how hard I try. Even when I try to pay attention I just fall asleep. That can be blamed on how badly I've been sleeping lately, I guess. Last night I was awake intermittently all night long. I worry far too much. I worry about people that I barely know, and I worry about school, and I worry about things that might not even happen, and things that might not even matter. What it boils down to is that I am downright neurotic. Pretty much.
I can't sleep. I begin to think that maybe this is journal stuff, rather than posting to the internet stuff. Then again, it doesn't matter. People are probably even less likely to read this. Whatever. I can't handle anything right now. I just want to scream.
Right now I am sitting in theory, not listening to the lesson. That is really bad. I need to know this stuff, and I don't really understand it, but I can't seem to pay attention, no matter how hard I try. Even when I try to pay attention I just fall asleep. That can be blamed on how badly I've been sleeping lately, I guess. Last night I was awake intermittently all night long. I worry far too much. I worry about people that I barely know, and I worry about school, and I worry about things that might not even happen, and things that might not even matter. What it boils down to is that I am downright neurotic. Pretty much.
I can't sleep. I begin to think that maybe this is journal stuff, rather than posting to the internet stuff. Then again, it doesn't matter. People are probably even less likely to read this. Whatever. I can't handle anything right now. I just want to scream.
27.10.07
Somehow I Know That There's Much More To Come
(Whisper, Evanescence)
I am so stressed. Everything is going on at once. Masterclass, which I just found out is for guest guy terrifies me... Because I'm not ready at all. I have to do my education essay and I don't even have a topic yet. I have to do my history essay and I have never even heard the piece that I'm writing about before. I have to do my education presentation. I have a skillz dictation coming up, which I am not ready for, mock auds in two weeks, and I'm sure there's something else I am forgetting. Programming assignments every week... I seriously can't handle all of this. I think maybe I might have to drop out of programming. No computer science minor for me. But... I'll tough it out. I'm smart enough for this. I know it. I think low sleep and bad nutrition are just making me cranky.
Besides that... I've been reading a book on and off since the beginning of the school year, and I just don't have the time to get into it... It seems like it would be fascinating, though. It's called This Is Your Brain on Music: The Science Behind a Human Obsession. Thus far it hasn't gotten into the really juicy stuff, but it's about what happens in the brain because of music. Why music has the power to make us all teary and whatnot, and how it affects people. (Remembering my rant about sad songs... I should continue that, come to think of it. It's a good rant.) Honestly, really really interesting. I wish I wasn't drowning in work so that I could read it.
I am so stressed. Everything is going on at once. Masterclass, which I just found out is for guest guy terrifies me... Because I'm not ready at all. I have to do my education essay and I don't even have a topic yet. I have to do my history essay and I have never even heard the piece that I'm writing about before. I have to do my education presentation. I have a skillz dictation coming up, which I am not ready for, mock auds in two weeks, and I'm sure there's something else I am forgetting. Programming assignments every week... I seriously can't handle all of this. I think maybe I might have to drop out of programming. No computer science minor for me. But... I'll tough it out. I'm smart enough for this. I know it. I think low sleep and bad nutrition are just making me cranky.
Besides that... I've been reading a book on and off since the beginning of the school year, and I just don't have the time to get into it... It seems like it would be fascinating, though. It's called This Is Your Brain on Music: The Science Behind a Human Obsession. Thus far it hasn't gotten into the really juicy stuff, but it's about what happens in the brain because of music. Why music has the power to make us all teary and whatnot, and how it affects people. (Remembering my rant about sad songs... I should continue that, come to think of it. It's a good rant.) Honestly, really really interesting. I wish I wasn't drowning in work so that I could read it.
15.10.07
Every Day I Work So Hard...
(Dazed and Confused, Led Zeppelin)
Okay, so I fail at life. And by life I mean music history. I don't get it. I just can't absorb the information. I studied my butt off for a week and a half, and simply could not absorb the information that I needed on the midterm. I sat down, and stared at the questions for a ridiculously long time, and the information just would not come to me. I wonder if that's something to do with learning styles? Some people can't remember numbers and things... I don't remember dates, names... song titles... composers... All in all, I'm in rough shape, in a music history class. It actually makes me really mad. I read the stuff over and over, highlight the text book, rewrite my notes, and I just can't remember the information the next day. It's like my brain just rejects dates and historical events.
I also can't figure out theory... Which is pretty frustrating as well. I'm not as worried about that, because at least I have a few chances, instead of just three gigantic tests of my ability. I definitely have to get on the history essay really early this year, because it looks like it will carry my grade this term. Ew. Well... I guess all I can do is try... and hope there is someone around to kick me in the ass when I slack off.
Okay, so I fail at life. And by life I mean music history. I don't get it. I just can't absorb the information. I studied my butt off for a week and a half, and simply could not absorb the information that I needed on the midterm. I sat down, and stared at the questions for a ridiculously long time, and the information just would not come to me. I wonder if that's something to do with learning styles? Some people can't remember numbers and things... I don't remember dates, names... song titles... composers... All in all, I'm in rough shape, in a music history class. It actually makes me really mad. I read the stuff over and over, highlight the text book, rewrite my notes, and I just can't remember the information the next day. It's like my brain just rejects dates and historical events.
I also can't figure out theory... Which is pretty frustrating as well. I'm not as worried about that, because at least I have a few chances, instead of just three gigantic tests of my ability. I definitely have to get on the history essay really early this year, because it looks like it will carry my grade this term. Ew. Well... I guess all I can do is try... and hope there is someone around to kick me in the ass when I slack off.
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